There are times when I stare at the front door, expecting a knock with emissaries from the Mensa Society in a panic because they have been searching for me. Searching for me because of some of the amazing ideas that just seem to come to me as if I were nature’s source of brilliance.
However there are times when these ideas seem to have run afoul of even the basics of common sense. The following is one of those that must have jumped the tracks and ended in a horrible event.
With all of the cold weather that is hitting the nation, my memory takes me back to the rare occurrence when we were faced with below zero temperatures in my part of Washington State. We don’t get the extreme temperatures that are frequently found in Montana, or the Dakotas. But with the forecast calling for temperatures to drop below zero and my incredible memory not being able to dredge up a single situation when I had spent the night out of doors on such a night, the brilliance of doing it and being able to tell others that I had done it was like striking gold. How such a brilliant idea had escaped me is beyond even my belief. Of course there were few opportunities living in South Carolina for most of my life. I can only remember one instance when the temperatures had dropped that low.
That opportunity had been spent running out of doors to see how quickly water would freeze in various containers and how such variables as the temperature of the water at the start of the experiment affected the outcome. It was fun as a young science student to run in and out of the house, although I don’t think my parents appreciated the genius that was the budding scientist in action. They kept yelling about the brief interludes when the door was open. I have no idea how these college educated people could be so anti science, but there they were in real life.
While being cold is not something that is on my list of most favorite things, it is something that is viewed as a challenge. If others can do it, so can I.
Living in the city, there are not a lot of options for places to sleep outside, there was the back porch which was completely open. If there had been open space, it would have been possible to build a fire or better still was to build two fires. One would be used to heat rocks that could be placed in the ground under the sleeping bag and covered with soft body hugging earth that would conform to my body shape, to provide warmth from below, and the second one would provide additional warmth. Although these accommodations may have seemed like wimping out, being a purist sleeping on the back porch without a fire was one of the few options left.
I could sleep directly on the floor, or there was the possibility of adding comfort by using one of the folding lawn chairs that can also fold down into a cot. Ah ha, that would provide comfort, although it would also allow for cold air to circulate under me which is not the best idea possible configuration, considering the challenge.
It is common knowledge that many people do the sleeping bag thing wrong. Since it is cold, they wear all the clothing that they can and when they warm up, they sweat. Oh, the folly of such foolishness, because then they are wet and the cold chills them to their very core. That ain’t a good thing.
With the brilliance that is mine, a quick strip down before jumping in the bag was chilly, but necessary. At least the light was turned off sparing the neighbors from a restless night’s sleep wondering if they were losing their mind seeing a man stripping in subzero temperatures. They were free from wondering if they had seen such a sight because of too much to drink, working themselves to the point of hallucinations, or were just going crazy.
What I neglected to include in this scenario was the fact that plastic becomes brittle when it is cold. I had laid down the cot, which was made of plastic loops, out several hours earlier and when I laid down, I don’t think the brittle plastic even slowed me down. I hit the deck almost as hard as if I had done a belly flop from the high diving board. Spared the embarrassment of having people watch this stunt and not bursting out in gales of laughter was of little comfort. If any of my friends saw that, they would be talking about it to this day. Thank goodness for small miracles.
Obviously I survived the ordeal and am no worst for it. Now, when the grandkids complain about the house being way down to 65, I can dig deep into my list of accomplishments and say “let me tell you about the time I slept outdoors when it was below zero.” Only one minor detail is left. They are too old to be impressed with those stories anymore. Guess I will have to wait on the great grand kids!
I guess the wait for the Mensa society to come knocking will have to wait until the next generation picks up the chant, “let the old guy in… let the old guy in” Let’s hope it happens before the next brilliant idea strikes and I freeze some body parts off.
The cold front is due any minute, my mind is going 100 mph, however the transmission is in neutral. Thank goodness!